Life and Death and Everything In Between.

I often find myself fascinated with death. I don't know what it is. The inclination that I'll go young? The thought that I'm obsessive about recording my words forever? I haven't the faintest of clues. It's all relatively stupid. In fact, I often find myself on both sides of the fence, if that is even possible. I look up at the shrouded moon at night, and think about how it cycles. Over and over. It is like a celestial phoenix, rebirthing itself from the ashes over and over. How beautiful. Things change, but there are these ever-constants in our life. They are our stability, the pillars to which we cling. Our reliance on them is weak, but one of necessity. I'm watching the moon fade now behind the clouds of the night sky. I'm not sure what I think of it, other than the solace I'll take in the fact that it will rise again so very soon. Our life is not the same. Once that fire is extinguished, that's the end of the road. Darkness. It's kind of poetic and tragic. The only thing we will remember is the mark we left on those we loved. Or hated. It becomes so easy to forget the implications our decisions have. The insecure and weak fail to realize the ways in which the consequences of our actions will permeate far longer than any given word. Sticks and stones? I call bullshit.

I have some of the most amazing people surrounding me in life. The kinds of friends that few ever know. Me on the other hand? What have I given them? Comfort when they need it? Sure. But what of the times when they don't need it. Sometimes I feel like the issue at stake is the way in which I find myself "on-call." That is to say, how I am there when needed, but a wandering enigma otherwise. I have no anchor to hold me down. It is every man's dream; all the while, also their nightmare. I don't think there is a middle ground in life. Just these polar opposites we stray between. A perpetual and figurative roller coaster of wondering and wandering. We become fortuitous when we discover that which grounds us. I'm sick of floating. I'm ready to feel alive.