Song of the Moment:
The Photographic - Millie Rode to Heaven on the Back of an Orca
Two separate moments were a frank reminder the extent to which life exists outside my own threshold of thought. A general disclaimer is that while I'm aware the extent to which living organisms exist and I'm not some kind of maniacal egotistical prick, I'm merely making commentary on the idea that one typically goes through his or her life under the constructs that all decisions somehow play into the formation of their human condition. Instead, these instances provided an eye-opening moment or two in which I believed to understand the world from the view of another.
The first took place on my bicycle. I was riding into work for the day. This is a fairly common occurrence only thrown off by the forecast of rain and even then it is debatable. I'm not going to pretend to be some conscientious bicycle operator. I don't wear a helmet, weave through traffic and switch between pavement and sidewalk at my convenience. Pass your judgments and let's move forward. So here I am, stuck at this intersection. It's quite a busy intersection at that. Morning rush is going on and everybody seems frazzled to get to work. The time reads 8:10. Michigan time? Not anymore.
The seconds seem to tick on slowly. Not for the sake of getting to work, that's already been addressed. Rather, it seems like the stoplight is never going to change. No level of biker's audacity could convince me to jet out into this river of metal and glass. We're talking a really busy intersection here. The kind that starts ticking the caution red
high-five hand as soon as crossing is permitted. Needless to say, I was stuck. I surveyed the situation around me to figure out some sort of alternative. The road was divided so I always had the option of going halfway and waiting it out on the median, but the flow of cars from my left side was relentless. Looking further along, I noticed a black pick-up truck waiting to make a left-hand turn at the light's change to red. I'd have to account for her when I would finally get the opportunity to make my mad dash. This is the moment that it all came together. The light changed yellow and the flow of traffic was dammed by an invisible, unspoken wall that the light represented.
The next logical step would be for the woman in the black truck to make her move. A driver's trick. Can't run a red, unless you're already in the intersection and then you have to complete your action. A loophole to keep people from being endlessly stuck waiting to make a turn. It made me wonder how long it took to figure out this special clause. Ideally, some congressman or politician missed an important meeting on traffic law. Bittersweet and ironic.
What struck me as peculiar though is that the woman inched forward momentarily before reapplying the brakes and waiting. Her deviation from what I willed to happen in my head struck a chord and really made me consider the implications of my thoughts. Who was I to assume she would do anything? It just seemed so automatic, so natural because that's what I'd seen a million times before. It made me realize just how many decisions are made on so many fronts. I pondered for several moments what her rationale could possibly have been. Could it be attributed to some sort of personal issue she was experiencing or was it nothing more than indecision. A lack of action or reaction and the resulting consequence of waiting until the next green light.
I'll never be able to say with any degree of certainly, and in all likelihood she hasn't spared even a split second to consider the way in which I am conscious. It just seems to easy to let that slip into the wayside on a given day. It is for these reasons I find altruism to be a flawed belief. People act out of self-interest to some extent. They may be phenomenal people, giving up their happiness for others and whatnot, but what one must truly consider is how polarized differing minds work. This woman inspired me to write, but she could never anticipate that. All because she pumped the brakes and didn't act on a whim.
The second thing that further affirmed this was upon my arrival at the office. I locked up my bicycle and made my way up the steps, only to find myself face-to-face with a lethargic squirrel. By the looks of things, I'd just woken it up. Lazily sprawled across the cement, my initial instinct was that the creature was injured. Why would I jump to such a conclusion? I began contemplating this rationale and realized it was because I'd never been in a situation where I bore witness to waking up a squirrel from its sleep. I became hyper-aware of life at that moment.
There had never been an instance of such a thing happening in my lifetime. It was beautifully mundane, but so very important. Being alive is such a strange thing. Having the capacity, no matter how limited or free, to do what you want to do and not be driven by the strings of fate, or otherwise the guidelines and rules set forth throughout the span of one's existence. And to think, this all results from little bits of bioelectricity forming actions and sorting through memory. Then, realize that humans alone make up 7 billion (arguably) independently thinking creatures. That's just one species. It can be unbearable to try and wrap one's head around so much life and so many processes. It made me take a step back and think about how much I appreciate others. For their ability to act (or not), to inspire and mostly because there is so much vitality and importance on interaction between two beings.
