Party Girls and Speechcraft

So here I am, writing to you on this lazy Sunday afternoon. The weather outside reminds me of that one girl from that one party. You know the type, right? Looks great, and from a distance you just want to be part of it. However, once you commit, you realize that it's just a facade, and in reality it's cold. Guess looks aren't everything. That's outside today. I wake up and it looks like summer again. I want to be outside getting some sunlight. I finally decide it is a good idea and low-and-behold, it's in the 40s. It was even worse this morning when it was 34, but still looked like a typical late summer/early autumn type moment. That one girl from that one party. Cold and beautiful.

I feel like I'm coming more to terms with the idea that that grass is greener on the other side. I always want what I can't have and when I have the thing that I wanted, I'm back to square one. First I want stability, then I want freedom, then I want stability again. In an ideal world, I'll find some middle ground. Stable and free. The good life. Until then, I'm just going to keep running at 120%. No need for sleep, no need for rationality. Just a life filled with spontaneous doings, trusting my instincts and living in the now. I like it like that. I don't really care what happens good or bad, because I'm convinced that life is what you make it. In light of bad happenings, something good will arise, like a phoenix from the ashes. In terms of good times, there is usually a silver lining; an unexpected expense for acting in such a manner. No matter what though, the scale balances out. The greater forces at work wouldn't let it happen any other way. So maybe I'm a fatalistic optimist. Maybe I hate labels and only associate myself as such because people need names for things. Isn't that funny? The necessity for humankind to make sure everything has adequate words for it, when so often is the case that we can't surmise what we truly mean with the limitations of English. I think that is what I find so sexy about it. A constant and never-ending struggle to so carefully choose the right words. Succeed, and the world is yours for the taking. Fail, and you're just like everybody else. Not so bad, ladies and gentlemen, ma'ams and sirs. Not. So. Bad.